Today really should've been marked "STAY THE HELL IN BED" on my calendar. Luckily I still have the ability to laugh at myself. And now, I have this awesome blog thing, so you can laugh at me too. You lucky ducks!
So, here's a basic rundown of my day...
12:32am: On my way to bed. Went to kiss Charli goodnight - she's wet the bed. Change her, change the sheets. Put everything in the washing machine to soak with some vinegar. Wash hands and get into bed.
2:04am: Alex is awake and needs a feed. Apparently my nipples are great fun to poke. He spends about 45 minutes pointing at everything in the room, going "Ooooh!". The room is dark and he really shouldn't be able to see anything. Finally, he goes to sleep.
2:55am: Back to bed.
4:35am: Alex is awake again. Thankfully he only takes 12 minutes to go to sleep.
6:12am: Both kids are awake. Hello, sun!
I pay some bills on line, accidentally pay my Internet bill twice (awesome...) and make a doctors appointment for Alex. He swallowed a zinc-coated nut off of Charli's new bike on Thursday. I haven't found it coming out the other end yet (I have however found various coins and buttons - really gotta watch what that kid puts in his mouth!) and he is lethargic, nauseous, wobbly and generally not great. The appointment is for 11am - plenty of time to get there, right?
10:55am: Run out the door, bundle kids into car. Forget to strap Charli in. Pull over, strap her in. Grab coffee and brekky from the Green Room (awesome place - go there. Do it.) and get to doctors at 11:08. See doctor who thinks Alex has a tummy bug and that it's all just a coincidence.
11:35am: Head to Spotlight to pick up a $20 quilt cover for Charli and nothing else. Realise that I have no change to get a trolley, and two children hanging off of me. Borrow a dollar from the lovely lady at the desk. Shop. Take Charli to the toilet twice.
1:30pm: Leave Spotlight with $20 quilt cover, $50 of fabric, a light globe for my sewing machine and two helium balloons.
1:45pm: Arrive at shopping centre. Think "I'll just stop into Big W to check out some shapewear". (Note: I love my curves that are curvy where I'm meant to be curvy. My butt, boobs and hips are pretty good for two kids later. I don't love the 'curve' that is my belly. I'm quite happy to smoosh that into oblivion.) Take various shapewear items, children and trolley into change room. Strip to knickers. Put shapewear on. Get stuck in shapewear. Perform some contortionist moves - nope, still stuck. Start to hyperventilate - what the fuck do I do. A starts crying. C is asking "mummy... Mummy... MUMMY! What ARE you doing?" Grunt and groan - I'm still stuck. Consider asking the 16year old assistant for help and scarring her for life. FINALLY manage to bend into a pretzel and remove shapewear. Get dressed. Give Alex boob. Walk out of change rooms with head held high, pretending that it really wasn't me who'd just been sounding like a moose on heat. Trip over my own feet and headbutt the trolley handle.
2:10pm: Get a bucket of chips for the kids and I to share. End up wearing half of the sauce. Go to Foodland (the mighty South Aussies, yeah) to do food shopping. Mostly uneventful.
3:30pm: At the fruit and veg shop. Alex decides he wants a grape and pulls half of the grape display down. Help clean it up.
3:45pm: Pop in to the butchers. While I'm ordering, Charli and Alex pull the bananas out and chew on them all. Now have 14 bananas with bite marks.
4:00pm: Shopping and kids into the car. Head towards home. Stop into servo to pick up some ginger beer. Drop a bottle of it on my toe - must've hit an artery because there's blood EVERYWHERE. Turns out I was the start of the rush. Apparently my whole home town must bear witness to my unco-ordination. Clean up blood and ginger beer. Knock a heap of teabag boxes off the shelves. Lose my wallet, keys and phone in the process. After ten minutes of looking for it, think to call my phone. Find my gear. Drive home. Sit in the driveway for a while and take some deep breaths.
4:30pm: Unload shopping. Realise that I must've left half of the fabric at Spotlight because it isn't in the car. Bath kids. Feed kids. Chill out with kids. Praise Thor that the children go to bed with no fuss. Ignore the dishes, sit on the computer and start writing.
Really, I should be known as "Co-ordinated Sof, who has her head screwed on."